Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
