He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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