Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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