Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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