don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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