He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
