You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
