He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
