She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
