you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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