You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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