Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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