I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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