the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
