Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
