I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
