We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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