Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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