i think i have two assholes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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