His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
