whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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