capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
