I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Couch. On fire.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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