Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
