remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
