So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
