Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
