maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
