I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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