youre lurking in front of me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
