i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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