I want to stick my p in your. b.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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