i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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