Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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