You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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