Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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