At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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