Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
