I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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