This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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