oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have so much sex to catch up on
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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