she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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