i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Its about making memories worth repressing
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize