you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
