Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
