I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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