I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
