Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize