Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
