im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
