I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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