I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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