my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
