cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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