Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
worst night to have a conscience
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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