I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
