Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
