Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
