Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
