Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
