just survived the first fart of the relationship.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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