Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
