hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
