Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
