it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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