Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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