i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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