When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
