He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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