i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
