If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize