fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
