that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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