Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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