It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
