New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
