I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize