im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
