So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
