And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
