So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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