my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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