i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
