I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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