Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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