I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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