Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
