im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
