using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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