I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
