Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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