..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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