There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Operation Purity has been aborted
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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