My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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