its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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