It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
