I should be sponsored by Trojan
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
