I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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