I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
