Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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