I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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