By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
