Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize