Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
