cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
