she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
