Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
