Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
