Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
