NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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